Raising Saints & Martyrs

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You see that look in her eyes...you know the one. The look that says she isn't going to do this without a fight. I see that look daily. Bear hates Language Arts. I haven't found books she enjoys reading yet. I haven't found a grammar program that doesn't make her cry. And I most certainly haven't had an amazing year trying to get this done.


Actually...I lied...I did find one curriculum that didn't make her want to kill me. That was Wordsmith Apprentice. It was fun for her. The writing was approached in a way that made it less like work and more like a fun activity. She began with filling out a job application and moved on to reading newspaper articles. This curriculum moves the child along with writing and gaining confidence without the child noticing. By the end of the semester Bear was able to bust out a great five paragraph sentence! We also used A Beka, but I wasn't loving it, and neither was she! Every day was a new fight this year. I really should I have switched gears early on, but I had hoped she would rally.

I used Wordsmith Grades 7-9 for Boo. She loves to write, so this wasn't a concern of mine at all with her. I did it in conjunction with Saxon Grammar and Writing Grade 7  and Wordly Wise 3000 Student Book 7. Boo will be using grade 8 for both of these next year at her own request. We have found a curriculum that works really well for her and plan to stick with it! She also used a literature curriculum by BJU: Explorations of Literature. I'm lucky because she loves to read and write, so none of this is wasted on her!


What made the cut for this year:

Moving Beyond the Page L/A 11-13 - This is new to us, but looks promising. Bear hates reading, writing, and grammar, but I am hopeful. She did use a couple MBTP books this year for fun and just loved them! They take a more classical approach than I am used to, but I welcome the change.
BJU Excursions in Literature - This went so well, Boo asked for it again!

   
     I am in a book club at church, well rather through my moms' group. We read a book a month throughout the school year. I get a lot of great books to read, and even some amazing ideas for books to read in the summer. I thought it might be fun to tell you what I am reading, and what I am getting out of it.
     Right now I am reading Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody by Allen Hunt. We read it last month for book club, but since I had my children that night I did not bother reading it. Plus, I put it off because I know I have someone to forgive. Well, it was a great book. I was caught up immediately, from the moment he began discussing Jesus and his forgiveness of those who crucified him.
     Well, crap. How could I not finish it. How could I not try to forgive the man who hurt me to my core. Fine. I read the book, I loved the book, and I began to try to forgive. I couldn't. It was not even a remote possibility. I harbor ill feelings, sure, but I am not angry. I do not feel I need to forgive him. I sat down and assessed who needed the forgiveness.
     I began questioning myself and those around me. I didn't blame him for leaving me because I left him. I didn't blame him for cheating because...well, okay, I blame him, but I am not angry it happened anymore. When I think back to why I am so damned angry I think about the following:

I left, I was relieved he cheated because it meant I could finally leave.
He hurt my children and I was horrified that I let him.
My daughters were "used to it." Perfect, I couldn't even protect them against words.
I was relieved a marriage of 10 years was not valid in the eyes of the church.

Double crap. I wasn't mad at him. I don't care enough about him to harbor feelings that require me to forgive him. The way I see him and his mistress: It is their issue to take before God, not mine. They are not sorry. And, I could not care much less. I am happy. I am mad at ME. Wonderful. Because we all know self loathing and resentment are so easily healed, right? Well, this was what I needed because now I am in that place. The place where I get to heal from the wounds I caused myself. I no longer blame myself, but I still have not fully forgiven myself either. It is a day by day prayer process.

We all have someone to forgive. I challenge everyone to find who they need to forgive. Ask yourself the questions I did:

Who do I blame?
Who do I no longer trust that I need to trust (of course I no longer trust my former spouse, but that is not an issue because I do not need him in day to day dealings)?
Who do I want fully in my life, but push away?

Pray daily on your journey.