Raising Saints & Martyrs

I am a mother of girls. I have three of them, I am used to them, there are no mysteries about girls, only facts and eggshell walking. I am a girl. I know how we think, what we want, how we work.

What I do not know is boy. Anything boy.

An amazing thing happened last night; Boo laid next to me in bed while I was reading 33 Days to Morning Glory and asked if she could do the retreat with me.

Mind. Blown.
She is 12...well, this month she will be 12.

It was at that moment that I realized what a wonderful life God has given me recently. I have three amazing daughters and the son I wanted so badly. All four of my children are relatively healthy, not counting the Epilepsy issue. They are all very intelligent children, and very well adjusted. I am lucky enough to be able to work from home while I attend school, all while I homeschool Boo and Bear. From the depths of my heart, I am grateful. I love my life as it is now, and I have God to thank for that.

Personal accountability..

Sometimes I wonder if I have any at all, then I remember I have four children. Of course I have personal accountability, how could I not? I started this month with my date book all set for the month as usual. At the front of the month, in bold letters was "NO EXCUSES."

Ok. Sure. Not. I am half way through this month with nothing to show for it; I am ok with that. I am a mother first. So far this month, my household has has had some bumps. Homeschool is killing me, but it is worth the suffering. Bear loves doesn't totally hate it. She already jumped to the next grade level in math! I am thrilled for her. Boo injured herself a few times in sports. She is a rock star though and she just gets right back up.

Ok, so here is the deal: being a Catholic, or being Orthodox is rough. We are not quite as outside the circle as, say, LDS or Witness, but, we aren't quite accepted either. Know what I mean?

What I have compiled is a list. Well, a list or two really. I am creating, and will make available to anyone who needs it, a list of Catholic curricula, a list of Catholic-friendly curricula, and a list of anti-Catholic curricula. I will also have a secular list available, but that doesn't need lumping into the religious groupings.

So, I am not a huge fan of Lenten sacrifice. A lot of the "sacrifices" people make seem either weak and pointless, or like they were really more suited to be a New Year's resolution and they failed so this is like a do-over for them.

For forty days we shall give up tv, chocolate, sodas, fast food, spending money without needing to...and so on and so forth.

Given all that has happened in the past several months, almost a year really, I have decided to make a real set of personal sacrifices. I will sacrifice my pride, my own feelings, and, well, me.

This Lenten season will be spent on God. Repairing my relationship with him (although to be honest, I don't feel angry with him over my life...so this shouldn't be too hard), repairing my children's view of him, prayer and fasting, where I can, and mending our broken little family.

So here is my plan and my promise to God:

We will, as a family, attend Mass weekly without reason to back out. {I have made this promise for my daughters, and they will help to keep it}
I will move on the rest of the way. I have moved on from the boy. I am still heartbroken, but mostly for my little girls who have been hurt so badly by lies and cheating and more lies. I plan to use this 40 days to pray for healing so we can simply breathe the freedom God has offered us.
We will pray before meals as a family.
I will let go. I will let of the weak girl the boy created and I will replace her with the woman she was before. There will be a whole transformation just for me. Just to say...I love me, and so does He.
I will be happy. I control this. No one else, I decide if I am happy or not. So for the next 40 days...I will be happy.

I know they may not seem like much, but these will be difficult to keep. My daughters are broken...I will fix them. I have forty days and the strength of God to do so. I will make sure my daughters are well on their way to healing during Lent. I will be responsible for this; I don't think I will be alone in this, but someone needs to be accountable for their feelings. I will be that someone. Our family needs no more than what it has right now to succeed.

*I did also make a resolution-y promise to get into the habit of blogging 5 times weekly.*

So, I got a bit curious on the birthing laws in Arizona. Ok, well I know a lot of women who have illegal
midwives and home births here, and for good reason (I was unaware of these laws until now).

Please note: I am NOT an advocate for home birth (I like doctors and nurses and drugs, ok?). I am NOT a feminist. Oh...and if you have a complicated pregnancy none of what I say should apply to you...see a doctor...unless you are Christian Scientist...in which case...keep on doing what you're doing, I think you're all brave as can be.

Now...that being said. I have delivered (with the help of medical staff...ok...nurses really if we are being honest) 3 babies over the course of 10 years. There are a lot of women who have had many more...I know a few. Arizona seems to be under the silly impression that they know what is best for moms and babies. Not doctors, the STATE. My doctor is great, he is open, he is honest, and he knows I like drugs so we are all good. But, what if...just what if I wanted a home birth? I would have to hire a certified midwife, file paperwork with the state (seriously?) and then my midwife would notify the local ER when I go into labor? Umm...let me tell you how wrong this is. First, I want my midwife's FULL attention, second, the ER? Really? On any other planet if you call the emergency department and say you are in labor they will transfer you to L&D. Do you know why? Because labor is NOT an emergency. It is normal. TOTALLY NORMAL. Ugh. Oh, and usually they simply don't do the whole pregnant screaming woman in the middle of the trauma room thing...that is why they have a labor and delivery unit. Duh.

Oh and if you are having multiples, nope, you have got to go to the hospital. I cannot even be sure why...if positioning is good or can be manipulated to be good you should be fine. But, you know...whatever. And oh what a laugh this is, but if you are over 42 weeks pregnant (because it is a total science you know!) you cannot have a home birth at all.

I am disgusted...

I cannot support a government that thinks they know what is best in every aspect of my life. If you re-read what I just wrote about, you will note that most of the women (I didn't even list VBACs, which are about banned here) have no choice but a c-section. While I understand it aids in delivery, I cannot support one outside emergency situations because they lead to women being told they are limited to the number of children they can have, or worse...they can't have more period. With VBACs in Arizona you can only have had one c-section and that child must be over 18 months old. And the c-section has to have been for only certain reasons. This whole control thing has gotten out of hand.

Arizona is putting women's lives at risk by forcing those who would prefer a natural life to have an unassisted home birth. I cannot support that in any way.

So It has been a while since we started cloth diapers, an I love them!

What don't I love? My stash...

We now have about 8 prefolds and 4 covers (2 blueberry and 2 flips)
We also have 2 gPants with 3 liners and 15 inserts (I don't love these anymore)
And we have 13 Sunbaby diapers, 1 Kawaii minky and 1 Bumgenius 4.0

I have also added cloth wipes and cloth liners.

Why don't I love my stash? My tastes are NOT what I expected. I expected to love pockets. I expected to hate prefolds and covers. I expected to be that mom. The one with all the new age pocket diapers. I was wrong.